How does self-esteem affect our work-life balance?
Let me know if this scenario sounds familiar...
You feel like a rockstar.
You are the only one who can do what you do.
People recognize this.
They offer you an executive role with the pay that you demand. No questions asked.
You take up the role and feel proud!
Then the new job starts to feel hard. The pace at which you could get things done and influence slow down. Uncomfortably slow.
People, who hired you, offer to help you strategize your next move. You get defensive.
Self-doubt begins to creep in.
And instead of slowing down and being intentional, you panic.
You take up every shiny project that comes your way to show that you can manage more. After all, you are an executive leader now.
Slowly you realize that the skills that got you to this point in your career may not help you succeed anymore.
You fall back to your familiar past patterns of power = control. You spend more time worrying, micromanaging, and working.
You cut corners in your relationships and with your kids because there is no measurable impact from another hour spent with family - but that time spent at work has a considerable impact. Months go by, and you feel guilty about not spending enough time with them. And you are still struggling to get things done at work.
You feel burned out, and your team feels worse. You are so busy that you cannot guide and mentor your team. Slowly you start losing your star employees…
It’s incredible how many times I have seen this unfold for high-achievers. Their expectations for themselves become higher and higher every time they achieve a goal. In high-stress situations, when things don't go their way, they start blaming the teams they have inherited, their family for not being supportive, or their peers for not giving them enough resources to succeed. Nothing changes until they realize that they need to change themselves or how they react to situations.
So what can one do if they find themselves in this situation:
1. Slow down:
When we feel lost, our first instinct is to speed up. Those who used to drive before GPS came into our lives may remember. If we were lost while driving, we tended to speed up in a panic! It was only when we slowed down enough to read the street signs that we could find a way to get back on track.
So slow down to read the energy of the room. Is your team enthusiastic about working on your idea? Do they feel comfortable sharing their ideas or raising objections? Are you impatient and talk over people?
2. Listen:
When people hire or promote you, seeing you succeed is in their best interest. So if someone takes the time to guide you or challenge you, hear them out. It doesn’t mean you are not capable enough or don’t possess the leadership skills to succeed. They are not attacking your leadership skills but only trying to help you apply them effectively in the new environment.
Listening to your team and incorporating their viewpoints in your decisions will also help you build trust and help them be efficient.
3. Ask:
Is the fear of being embarrassed keeping you from asking questions? Do not pretend to know more than you do. When in doubt, ask. It doesn’t reduce your credibility as a leader. You are ensuring you have the correct information to make a strategic decision. And that’s what you are hired for. So be vulnerable; unknowingly, you might give others permission to do the same and help you make better decisions.
You can create a better work/life balance for yourself and your organization by improving your professional self-esteem. There are many ways to help leaders by customizing these skills to their unique situations and personalities. Work/life balance is not always about turning off your computer at 5 p.m. and going home; it matters whether you carry the lingering stress.
Love,
Nisha
P.S. At different points in my career in the tech world, I have cried in the restroom at work due to overwhelm or stress. Sometimes, it feels like you cannot share how you feel with anyone at work or home. You create such a no-nonsense, strong personal image of yourself that it becomes difficult to be vulnerable.
As a conscious leadership guide, I see my coaching clients' lives transform when they have my support in navigating transitions in their careers and life. I want that for you too.
How can I help you create your dream work/life balance? Find out here.
